GrowingMyFamily

Hey there, Friend! We're Nicole and Gabe, and GrowingMyFamily is our passion project, born from our own long and winding journey through the world of infertility. We're parents to seven incredible kids, who joined our family through marriage, adoption (including a sibling group of three!), IUI, and embryo donation. Gabe originally envisioned a family of two children, while Nicole's dream was, well, infinity! So, we "compromised" with seven, and our kids range in age from 18 down to newborn.

Addressing the Elephant in the Room: Our Big Family

Now, we know what you might be thinking: "Seven kids? Easy for them to say!" And honestly, we get it. We understand that seeing a family of nine might feel a little… off-putting when you're struggling to have even one child. You might even question whether we can truly understand what you're going through. We want to be upfront and honest about that. We know that our family size might seem like a distant dream for some, and we never want to minimize your pain or invalidate your experience.

Our Journey: It Wasn't Always Easy

The truth is, our path to building our family was anything but easy. It wasn't a simple, straightforward process; it was decades long,  filled with unexpected twists and turns, setbacks and disappointments. We navigated the ups and downs of infertility throughout our entire relationship, and each child came after facing the same struggles, the same anxieties, and the same heartaches that you're likely experiencing right now. We took our journey one child at a time, and even though we have a large family now, we remember all too well the pain and uncertainty of each attempt, each cycle, each decision. And while we did adopt a sibling group of three, our boys came into our family after years of navigating the complexities of the adoption process, the mountains of paperwork, the home studies, and the constant fear that something would fall through.

Honestly, those years were hard. So incredibly hard. Looking back, I'm not sure we truly understood just how hard they were while we were in the thick of it, being just a few months out of actively trying to grow our family. We were so focused on surviving each day, each cycle, each setback, that we didn't fully grasp the cumulative toll it took on our mind, body, and spirit. There were hundreds of nights filled with tears, hushed discussions in the dark, and a constant undercurrent of worry and anxiety that permeated every aspect of our lives. We questioned ourselves, our bodies, our relationship, and our ability to ever reach our dreams of completing our family. We poured over medical information, desperately searching for answers, weighed the pros and cons of countless treatment options, each with its own set of risks and uncertainties, and grappled with the overwhelming financial burden of it all. And even after achieving success, after welcoming each of our children into our lives, the trauma of infertility didn't just disappear like some bad dream. We carry it with us still today. We are hoping, as time passes, this pain will dull, but for now, we carry it with us, even on the other side of our family-building journey. For us, and especially for Nicole, infertility is more than a challenge or a setback; it has truly been traumatizing, leaving lasting scars that continue to shape our perspectives and our experiences. It's something that we carry with us, a part of our story that we can't and wouldn't want to erase, but that we also acknowledge has had a profound and lasting impact on our lives.

Gaining Family Along the Way: More Than Just Biology

But something beautiful happened along the way: we gained family. Not just in the traditional sense, but in unexpected and profound ways. Our doctor became such a support that one of our sons has his name as a middle name! Everyone at our clinic – the ultrasound techs, the lab techs, the nurses – became like family to us, sharing in our hopes and our heartaches. When you spend so much time with people, entrusting them with your deepest dreams, they become part of your story. And of course, we built our family with our older sons who joined us through adoption and our younger sons who joined us through embryo donation, expanding our hearts and our understanding of what it means to be a family. Our family embraces openness with the biological families of our boys, and as a result, our family tree has become more of an orchard, branching out in unexpected and beautiful ways.

Our Winding Road: The Realities of the Infertility Journey

Our path has taken us down roads we never imagined, and it certainly hasn't been a smooth ride. We've had the tears, the financial worries, the disagreements and fights. We've had the comments from family and friends who mean well, struggled with the balance of appointments, work, and life commitments. We've stopped and started our journey more than once, and we've had years (almost a decade!) of trying to grow our family without success. We have felt and navigated infertility differently, but always together - it has not always been easy and we are so thankful to be writing a new chapter of life after infertility in our own lives - its been a long 20 years! Looking back over the last few decades we see now that every tear has been worth it. Every shot, every loss, every setback. While infertility forced us down different paths, we can't imagine a life without any of our children, almost all of whom exist in our family because of infertility. We know the struggles of grief, sadness, and envy. We know the anxiety, worry, and stress. We also know the joy, anticipation, and excitement. We hope you see our family not as a testament to an easy journey but rather as a symbol of resilience, hope and unwavering belief that family can be built in countless beautiful ways.